A few jokes for ye.

High everyone! Sorry for being out of commission. I have been busy working a retail job & trying to enjoy the most of summer & also for not being inspired. Well I am back & will try to post as much as I can. so for today's post I am going to share a couple of jokes I found. I am sure these will lighten your day in one way or another so here we go.


Smart Interpreter (source)

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

Weather Forecast

A Hollywood director was shooting a big budget movie on location in the desert. One day an old Indian came up to him and said, "Tomorrow rain."

And sure enough the next day it rained.

A few days later, the old Indian appeared on set again, sidled up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm."

And sure enough, the following day there was a fearful storm which brought a temporary halt to filming.

The director was hugely impressed by the old Indian's weather predictions and told his secretary to put the tribesman on the payroll. However, after a number of other successful forecasts, the Indian didn't show for three weeks. Then the director sent for him.

The director said, "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow and I'm relying on you. What is the weather going to be like?"

The old Indian shrugged his shoulders, "Don't know. Radio broken."

(Source)

Bonus: Blond joke

Vending Machine

There was a blonde woman at a soda machine. She put a dollar in the slot and pushed the Pepsi button. The Pepsi came out, so she took it and put the change in her purse.

She took another dollar out, put it in the machine, and pressed the Mountain Dew button. The Mountain Dew came out, and she took the change and put it in her purse.

Meanwhile, a big line was forming behind her, but she kept taking her money out, putting it in the machine, and pressing buttons.

Someone in the line finally said, "Come on, lady! What's taking you so long?"

She answered, "Duh! I'm still winning!" 

(Source)

 

8 Sleeping Positions & Their effects on Health.

(dailyhealthpost) - Getting enough sleep is the most important thing – but did you know that how you sleep can also impact your health? Let’s take a look at eight common sleeping positions and what they do to your body.

1. On Your Back, Arms at Sides

Sleeping on your back with your arms at your side is generally considered to be the best sleeping position for spine health and it’s good for your neck, too, as long as you don’t use too many pillows. That said, back sleepers tend to snore more than those in any other position and sleep apnea is strongly associated with sleeping on the back.

2. On Your Back, Arms Up

This so-called “starfish” position is also good for the back. Whether you have your arms up around your pillow or not, sleeping on your back may also help to prevent facial wrinkles and skin breakouts. However, like the arms-down back sleeping position, this one can also result in snoring and problems with acid reflux. Plus, having your arms up can put pressure on nerves in your shoulders, leading to pain.


3. Face Down

Sleeping on your stomach can improve digestion but unless you’ve developed a way to breathe through your pillow, it most likely leads to you tilting your face in one direction or the other. This can put a lot of strain on the neck. Sleeping face down can also cause back pain, as the curve of the spine is not supported.

4. Fetal Position

Sleeping all curled up into a ball with your knees drawn up and your chin tilted down might be comfortable but it can do a number on your back and neck.

The extreme curl of the fetal position can also restrict deep breathing. That considered, sleeping like a fetus can have you sleeping like a baby if you typically have problems with snoring or if you’re pregnant.


5. On Side, Arms at Sides

When you’re sleeping on your side with both arms down, the spine is best supported in its natural curve. This can definitely help reduce back and neck pain while also reducing sleep apnea. The downside? Sleeping on the side can contribute to skin aging due to gravity, meaning facial wrinkles and sagging breasts.

6. On Side, Arms Out

This position has many of the same benefits of sleeping on your side with your arms straight down. However, any side sleeping can cause shoulder and arm pain due to restricted blood flow and pressure on the nerves, which may be exacerbated by having your arms out in front of you.

7. On the Right Side

If you’re a side-sleeper, which side you sleep on also makes a difference. Sleeping on the right side can worsen heartburn while sleeping on the left side can put strain on internal organs like the liver, lungs, and stomach (while minimizing acid reflux). For pregnant sleepers, doctors typically advise sleeping on the left side, since this can improve circulation to the fetus.

8. Pillow-Supplemented

Regardless of which sleeping position you prefer, it’s highly likely that you can get a better night’s rest with less pain in the morning by supplementing your body with a pillow.

Back sleepers can put a small pillow under the arch of their spine, side sleepers can place a pillow between their knees, and stomach sleepers can place a pillow under their hips to support the joints and allow for full, pain-free relaxation.

Which sleeping position gives you the best night’s rest without pain?

Read more: HERE