A few jokes for ye.

High everyone! Sorry for being out of commission. I have been busy working a retail job & trying to enjoy the most of summer & also for not being inspired. Well I am back & will try to post as much as I can. so for today's post I am going to share a couple of jokes I found. I am sure these will lighten your day in one way or another so here we go.


Smart Interpreter (source)

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

Weather Forecast

A Hollywood director was shooting a big budget movie on location in the desert. One day an old Indian came up to him and said, "Tomorrow rain."

And sure enough the next day it rained.

A few days later, the old Indian appeared on set again, sidled up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm."

And sure enough, the following day there was a fearful storm which brought a temporary halt to filming.

The director was hugely impressed by the old Indian's weather predictions and told his secretary to put the tribesman on the payroll. However, after a number of other successful forecasts, the Indian didn't show for three weeks. Then the director sent for him.

The director said, "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow and I'm relying on you. What is the weather going to be like?"

The old Indian shrugged his shoulders, "Don't know. Radio broken."

(Source)

Bonus: Blond joke

Vending Machine

There was a blonde woman at a soda machine. She put a dollar in the slot and pushed the Pepsi button. The Pepsi came out, so she took it and put the change in her purse.

She took another dollar out, put it in the machine, and pressed the Mountain Dew button. The Mountain Dew came out, and she took the change and put it in her purse.

Meanwhile, a big line was forming behind her, but she kept taking her money out, putting it in the machine, and pressing buttons.

Someone in the line finally said, "Come on, lady! What's taking you so long?"

She answered, "Duh! I'm still winning!" 

(Source)