Via The Onion:
NEW YORK—In an effort to cater to a long-neglected demographic, global cosmetics brand L’Oréal released Sheer Discretion this week, a new line of makeup specially designed for men to wear when their wives are not home. “Sheer Discretion enables men everywhere to finally give themselves the full eyelashes and pouty lips they deserve while their wives are away at work,” L’Oréal representatives said of the cosmetic products, which come in discreet packaging and can be quickly wiped clean with just a splash of water if one’s wife suddenly walks through the front door. “Featuring a smooth foundation that conceals, hides imperfections, and blends evenly over the thickest stubble, our Sheer Discretion line of products are casual enough for just hanging out in the living room in your wife’s blouse or providing that exact dash of chic you need to pull off her ruby chiffon gown.” L’Oréal executives confirmed that the product release would be accompanied by an advertising campaign urging women to enjoy an evening out with their friends and leave their husbands at home for the night.
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Hello Kitty: not a cat?
But it has "Kitty in the name..
(Telegraph) - She turns 40 this year, but Hello Kitty's blank face and impressive skill with accessories are still as ubiquitous as they were when the Japanese character launched in 1974 as a coin purse.
But news for fans - did you know that Hello Kitty is not a cat, but a young British girl with a twin sister and an entire backstory?
Christine R Yano, an anthropologist from the University of Hawaii and visiting professor at Harvard, has spent years studying the phenomenon that is Hello Kitty and her lasting appeal.
Speaking to the LA Times, she explains some of the lesser-known facts about the cutesy character.
"Hello Kitty is not a cat," she says.
"She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it's called Charmmy Kitty."
Here are some other things you might not know about Hello Kitty:
She's actually British. She has an entire backstory that sees her living at home outside London with her parents, George and Mary White
Her full name is Kitty White
She has a twin sister called Mimmy White, a cool grandpa called Anthony and a sweet grandma called Margaret
She's a Scorpio
She loves apple pie
As well as her own pet cat, Charmmy, she has a hamster called Sugar, given to her by her friend Dear Daniel
(Telegraph) - She turns 40 this year, but Hello Kitty's blank face and impressive skill with accessories are still as ubiquitous as they were when the Japanese character launched in 1974 as a coin purse.
But news for fans - did you know that Hello Kitty is not a cat, but a young British girl with a twin sister and an entire backstory?
Christine R Yano, an anthropologist from the University of Hawaii and visiting professor at Harvard, has spent years studying the phenomenon that is Hello Kitty and her lasting appeal.
Speaking to the LA Times, she explains some of the lesser-known facts about the cutesy character.
"Hello Kitty is not a cat," she says.
Here are some other things you might not know about Hello Kitty:
She's actually British. She has an entire backstory that sees her living at home outside London with her parents, George and Mary White
Her full name is Kitty White
She has a twin sister called Mimmy White, a cool grandpa called Anthony and a sweet grandma called Margaret
She's a Scorpio
She loves apple pie
As well as her own pet cat, Charmmy, she has a hamster called Sugar, given to her by her friend Dear Daniel
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Feminists Say Roofie-Detecting Nail Polish Is Actually Also Rape Culture
“I don’t want to f[***]ing test my drink when I’m at the bar,” said Rebecca Nagle, one of the co-directors of an activist group called FORCE: Upsetting Rape Culture. “That’s not the world I want to live in.”
* * * *
Related: US: Students create roofie-detecting nail polish (explains roofie-detecting nail polish a little better)
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Retail life: Customer Service problems
O la. So the other day I was at work doing the cash registers ringing people up & I noticed a military person waiting in line. I think it was a person from the military because she was dressed in a one piece camo outfit. I couldn't help notice that she waited in line with everyone else (because I was the only one open) and nobody seemed to noticed. Then the line started to move & she was next. I said hello and asked if she found everything, which she did. So I finished ringing her up & said nothing else & continued to work. Usually in these sorts of situations you would treat them differently then everyone else because they are the military & fight for freedom & blah blah blah. Usually the case but I treated her respectfully & as an equal. I remember reading an article about an airliner who processed army men (which they did not know they were) & the media threw a hissy fit over it & were forced to apologize. I applaud that airliner for treating them like everyone else. EQUALLY. It's all I ever here know is "Equality" Um did equality originally mean giving women the right to vote? Because if so someone should tell the media. I am glad I didn't get screamed at by some right winger on treating this costumer as an equal. I try to treat people with respect & it blows up in my face. I can't win. R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what that means to me cause I don't know anymore.
Monday, August 18, 2014
The Top 7… Weirdest theories about the Pokemon universe
More than meets the eye
Pokemon is weird--there's very little getting around that. As much as we love to watch magical creatures engage in fantasy cock-fighting for fun and profit to the tune of 90's rock ballads, that doesn't negate (and actually kind of reinforces) the fact that the whole concept is bizarre. When people come up with theories related to the Pokemon universe, those theories often end of being strange themselves. We've discussed this once when we ran through the top 7 most disturbing thing about the Pokemon universe, but we're heading in once more--this time with the fan theories that... well...
See, sometimes a Pokemon theory is just so weird that it actually makes perfect sense, and harmonizes so well with the Poke-madness that it makes for a richer Poke-world. What follows are the top seven examples of such successful Pokemon theories--we'll try not to blow your Poke-mind! (Sorry.)
7. Jynx is a mythological succubus
Wikipedia defines a succubus as "a female demon or supernatural entity...who takes the form of a human woman in order to seduce men." It also notes that while succubi are imagined as enchantresses in modern times, in the old days they were “generally depicted as frightening and demonic." Smash those two descriptions together and you get Jynx, an unintentionally horrifying and “sexy” Pokemon.
Taking on the appearance of an alluring lady--as envisioned by an alien entity with an obviously tenuous grasp of human attractiveness--Jynx has all the trappings of a seductress: its Pokedex entries describe it as "bouncingly alluring" (whatever that means) and note how it "seductively wiggles its hips as it walks," charming people into dancing with it. Many of its attacks are also enticing/romantic in nature, like Lovely Kiss, Captivate, Fake Tears and Heart Stamp--attacks that Jynx uses to lure its enemies into a false sense of bliss before brutalizing them, which seems to fit the bill for a succubus just right. Get thee back, demon!
6. Pokemon are energy beings that manipulate physics
It takes a real stick-in-the-muk to demand sound science from a world that contains electric mice, moon creatures, and malevolent balloons. It's usually easier to just cry wizard and move on, but Reddit user nameless88 apparently isn't one for easy answers. In early 2013, nameless noted that the inside of a Pokeball seems to be covered in mirrors, and hypothesized that "the pokemon is converted into light, and then bounces around inside the pokeball at lightspeed... Pokemon possess the ability to convert matter to energy, and the pokeball just exploits this."
That theory led to a landslide of other ideas, each making more sense than the last. Pokemon convert energy into matter, allowing them to manifest fire, stars, giant hands and such for their attacks. Humans and unconscious Pokemon can't be captured with a pokeball, because they can't execute the conversion. Pokemon store energy as they gain experience, and when they evolve, the massive amount they release is converted into their new bodies. Basically, this theory suggests that Pokemon is more scientifically sound than the entirety of The Core.
5. Cubone is a mutated baby Kangaskhan
Sometimes a theory becomes so prominent and widely accepted that fans start to believe it was developers' intention all along, and we’re just waiting on some leaked concept art or creator commentary to seal the deal. One widespread theory on the nature of Cubone's origins fits that bill: it asserts that when a Kangaskhan dies, her baby takes her skull and wears it, becoming a Cubone and starting a different evolution path. Morbid, right?
This theory is supported by the fact that a baby Kangaskhan has a model nearly identical to that of a Cubone, with only slight color differentiation. Further, both Pokemon share a uniquely strong mother-child connection, and no one really knows what happens to a baby Kangaskhan as it ages. The idea has become so popular that some claim it to be fact, and assert that Red and Blue's infamous Missingno glitch was actually intended to be the bridging evolution between Cubone and Kangaskhan before it was removed. Man, talk about mommy issues.
4. Slowpoke is omniscient
Slowpoke, second only to Magikarp and Bidoof in terms of mockery, is regularly ridiculed for its sluggishness--its Pokedex entries describe it as "incredibly slow and dopey," and say that "awake or asleep, there is little difference [for Slowpoke]." Slowpoke does resemble these remarks, sporting a perpetual glaze-eyed stare and only vaguely responding to being attacked. However, things get complicated when one notices it's a Psychic type, which are hyper-intelligent, and that it evolves into one of the smartest Pokemon in the world. One starts to wonder what exactly is going on in that poke-brain.
The folks at TVTropes came up with a mind blast of an answer: everything. Slowpoke is pokey because it's omniscient, and the constant bombardment of information leaves it detached and unresponsive to the world around it. According to this theory, a Shellder's bite (which is supposed to "inspire" a Slowbro) actually hinders Slowpoke's omniscience by grounding it in the here and now. Suddenly, it makes sense that Slowpoke evolves into the super-smart Slowking--it just needs a little, highly poisonous nibble to focus its thoughts.
3. Dittos are corrupted Mews
Generation I's favorite legendary critter, Mew could be regarded as the ultimate Pokemon, since it's technically all of them at once: its genetic code contains the DNA of every Pokemon in existence, and it can transform into any one at its leisure. There's only one other Pokemon capable of pulling that trick: Ditto, the mimic blob, and that's not the only similarity they share. In fact, they have enough in common that some have theorized Ditto are Mew. They’ve just been corrupted.
The evidence for this one is simple, but compelling. Ditto and Mew are the only two Pokemon that can use Transform. They have the same coloration, both in their normal and Shiny forms. They--stay with me here--weigh the same amount, at 8.8 pounds. Altogether, these small commonalities create a semblance that's actually pretty convincing. What corrupted the Ditto-Mews is anyone's guess--maybe they were failed clones (there's established lore in Pokemon that scientists have tried to clone Mew, that's why Mewtwo exists), or transformed so much that they forgot what they used to be. But in any case, the resemblance is uncanny--and really, what's a little amorphous blobbery amongst family?
2. Arceus used the Unown to create the universe.
When a creature gets a nickname like "The Original One," there's a good chance it's going to be a god allegory, and Arceus is no exception: born at the beginning of existence, its Pokedex entry claims it "shaped the universe with its 1,000 arms," which seems pretty godlike. However, given that it's an equine Pokemon with only legs to speak of, one wonders just what those "arms" were--and some point to Unown as Arceus’ tools of creation.
Unown, weak while alone, but can alter reality when brought together: for instance, a group of them are able to create Entei and a crystal palace out of thin air. This theory suggests that Arceus uses the Unown to work its will, like in the Sinjoh Ruins, where clouds of Unown appear when Arceus manifests the egg of one of the creation trio Pokemon. For the still skeptical, consider the following: the sound made by a plethora of Unown is heard as an Azure Flute--the very item that allows for an encounter with Arceus in the wild. Concidence? Wake up, Sinnoh.
1. Pokemon don't say their names--language was created around their battle cries
Language is weird. Just as often as words are created to describe something, the characteristics of that thing become influential in the formation of those words. An onomatopoeia, for instance, is a word that imitates the sound it describes, like boom or screech. It is effectively the source of its own name, and language changes to conform to that. Nope, this isn't your 10th grade English class, this idea just applies perfectly to the theory that Pokemon aren't saying their names at all--instead, the sounds they make influence language.
Think about it: what is the likelihood that a fire salamander would not only recognize a pun-tastic word-smush as its name, but have the vocal ability to mimic it? Isn't it more believable that early humans heard "Charmander" and saw it light stuff on fire and started to associate that to "charring" stuff? Okham's razor (Oakham's razor?) says that humans likely integrated the cries of Pokemon into language organically, showing how important Pokemon are to the development of human society. …and you just learned something from magic fighting energy monsters. You're welcome.
Pokemon is weird--there's very little getting around that. As much as we love to watch magical creatures engage in fantasy cock-fighting for fun and profit to the tune of 90's rock ballads, that doesn't negate (and actually kind of reinforces) the fact that the whole concept is bizarre. When people come up with theories related to the Pokemon universe, those theories often end of being strange themselves. We've discussed this once when we ran through the top 7 most disturbing thing about the Pokemon universe, but we're heading in once more--this time with the fan theories that... well...
See, sometimes a Pokemon theory is just so weird that it actually makes perfect sense, and harmonizes so well with the Poke-madness that it makes for a richer Poke-world. What follows are the top seven examples of such successful Pokemon theories--we'll try not to blow your Poke-mind! (Sorry.)
Wikipedia defines a succubus as "a female demon or supernatural entity...who takes the form of a human woman in order to seduce men." It also notes that while succubi are imagined as enchantresses in modern times, in the old days they were “generally depicted as frightening and demonic." Smash those two descriptions together and you get Jynx, an unintentionally horrifying and “sexy” Pokemon.
Taking on the appearance of an alluring lady--as envisioned by an alien entity with an obviously tenuous grasp of human attractiveness--Jynx has all the trappings of a seductress: its Pokedex entries describe it as "bouncingly alluring" (whatever that means) and note how it "seductively wiggles its hips as it walks," charming people into dancing with it. Many of its attacks are also enticing/romantic in nature, like Lovely Kiss, Captivate, Fake Tears and Heart Stamp--attacks that Jynx uses to lure its enemies into a false sense of bliss before brutalizing them, which seems to fit the bill for a succubus just right. Get thee back, demon!
It takes a real stick-in-the-muk to demand sound science from a world that contains electric mice, moon creatures, and malevolent balloons. It's usually easier to just cry wizard and move on, but Reddit user nameless88 apparently isn't one for easy answers. In early 2013, nameless noted that the inside of a Pokeball seems to be covered in mirrors, and hypothesized that "the pokemon is converted into light, and then bounces around inside the pokeball at lightspeed... Pokemon possess the ability to convert matter to energy, and the pokeball just exploits this."
That theory led to a landslide of other ideas, each making more sense than the last. Pokemon convert energy into matter, allowing them to manifest fire, stars, giant hands and such for their attacks. Humans and unconscious Pokemon can't be captured with a pokeball, because they can't execute the conversion. Pokemon store energy as they gain experience, and when they evolve, the massive amount they release is converted into their new bodies. Basically, this theory suggests that Pokemon is more scientifically sound than the entirety of The Core.
Sometimes a theory becomes so prominent and widely accepted that fans start to believe it was developers' intention all along, and we’re just waiting on some leaked concept art or creator commentary to seal the deal. One widespread theory on the nature of Cubone's origins fits that bill: it asserts that when a Kangaskhan dies, her baby takes her skull and wears it, becoming a Cubone and starting a different evolution path. Morbid, right?
This theory is supported by the fact that a baby Kangaskhan has a model nearly identical to that of a Cubone, with only slight color differentiation. Further, both Pokemon share a uniquely strong mother-child connection, and no one really knows what happens to a baby Kangaskhan as it ages. The idea has become so popular that some claim it to be fact, and assert that Red and Blue's infamous Missingno glitch was actually intended to be the bridging evolution between Cubone and Kangaskhan before it was removed. Man, talk about mommy issues.
Slowpoke, second only to Magikarp and Bidoof in terms of mockery, is regularly ridiculed for its sluggishness--its Pokedex entries describe it as "incredibly slow and dopey," and say that "awake or asleep, there is little difference [for Slowpoke]." Slowpoke does resemble these remarks, sporting a perpetual glaze-eyed stare and only vaguely responding to being attacked. However, things get complicated when one notices it's a Psychic type, which are hyper-intelligent, and that it evolves into one of the smartest Pokemon in the world. One starts to wonder what exactly is going on in that poke-brain.
The folks at TVTropes came up with a mind blast of an answer: everything. Slowpoke is pokey because it's omniscient, and the constant bombardment of information leaves it detached and unresponsive to the world around it. According to this theory, a Shellder's bite (which is supposed to "inspire" a Slowbro) actually hinders Slowpoke's omniscience by grounding it in the here and now. Suddenly, it makes sense that Slowpoke evolves into the super-smart Slowking--it just needs a little, highly poisonous nibble to focus its thoughts.
Generation I's favorite legendary critter, Mew could be regarded as the ultimate Pokemon, since it's technically all of them at once: its genetic code contains the DNA of every Pokemon in existence, and it can transform into any one at its leisure. There's only one other Pokemon capable of pulling that trick: Ditto, the mimic blob, and that's not the only similarity they share. In fact, they have enough in common that some have theorized Ditto are Mew. They’ve just been corrupted.
The evidence for this one is simple, but compelling. Ditto and Mew are the only two Pokemon that can use Transform. They have the same coloration, both in their normal and Shiny forms. They--stay with me here--weigh the same amount, at 8.8 pounds. Altogether, these small commonalities create a semblance that's actually pretty convincing. What corrupted the Ditto-Mews is anyone's guess--maybe they were failed clones (there's established lore in Pokemon that scientists have tried to clone Mew, that's why Mewtwo exists), or transformed so much that they forgot what they used to be. But in any case, the resemblance is uncanny--and really, what's a little amorphous blobbery amongst family?
When a creature gets a nickname like "The Original One," there's a good chance it's going to be a god allegory, and Arceus is no exception: born at the beginning of existence, its Pokedex entry claims it "shaped the universe with its 1,000 arms," which seems pretty godlike. However, given that it's an equine Pokemon with only legs to speak of, one wonders just what those "arms" were--and some point to Unown as Arceus’ tools of creation.
Unown, weak while alone, but can alter reality when brought together: for instance, a group of them are able to create Entei and a crystal palace out of thin air. This theory suggests that Arceus uses the Unown to work its will, like in the Sinjoh Ruins, where clouds of Unown appear when Arceus manifests the egg of one of the creation trio Pokemon. For the still skeptical, consider the following: the sound made by a plethora of Unown is heard as an Azure Flute--the very item that allows for an encounter with Arceus in the wild. Concidence? Wake up, Sinnoh.
Language is weird. Just as often as words are created to describe something, the characteristics of that thing become influential in the formation of those words. An onomatopoeia, for instance, is a word that imitates the sound it describes, like boom or screech. It is effectively the source of its own name, and language changes to conform to that. Nope, this isn't your 10th grade English class, this idea just applies perfectly to the theory that Pokemon aren't saying their names at all--instead, the sounds they make influence language.
Think about it: what is the likelihood that a fire salamander would not only recognize a pun-tastic word-smush as its name, but have the vocal ability to mimic it? Isn't it more believable that early humans heard "Charmander" and saw it light stuff on fire and started to associate that to "charring" stuff? Okham's razor (Oakham's razor?) says that humans likely integrated the cries of Pokemon into language organically, showing how important Pokemon are to the development of human society. …and you just learned something from magic fighting energy monsters. You're welcome.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Satire: Maybelline Introduces New Ideal-Woman Rubber Mask To Use In Place Of Makeup
Read more HERE
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